Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Lou Holtz: Proof That You, Too, Can Be On ESPN

There's blind support, there's unhealthy fanaticism, and then there's Lou Holtz.

There are quarterbacks that can't hang it up, there are long-time execs whose industries have passed them by, and then there's Lou Holtz.

There's John Daly, there's Richard Simmons, and then there's Lou Holtz.

Everyone knows that ole' Lou loves Notre Dame. ESPN knew it when it hired him. Until this week, however, it hadn't affected his ability to be a sane human being.

But now Lou Holtz is looking straight into the camera and declaring that Notre Dame has the best chance of winning the BCS National Championship.

Yes, that Notre Dame. Yes, this season.

It's now quite apparent that Lou Holtz has reached a new level of absurdity, one that even ESPN itself, along with its stable of clueless former athletes posing as commentators, could never have fathomed prior to this week.

In the same sequence, Kirk Herbstreit politely chuckled as he said to Lou, "I think you're on an island with that one."

Check that. Lou is on his own planet - a green planet where the sun shines gold and the rain falls navy blue; where every girl is a virgin and every neighborhood is united by its local pastor, Paul; and where dutiful citizens hitch rides on shamrock-shaped hovercrafts driven by leprechauns, guided at night not by streetlamps but by the glimmering light of Touchdown Jesus.

Lou, buddy, this is your job. You get paid to dole out your expert opinion. Heck, even if it's not expert, it's at least supposed to be educated. You aren't speaking to your Irish football team anymore.

I'm sure there won't be much written about this because Holtz has long been viewed less as a journalist and more as a source of entertainment, but think about it: If Holtz was anyone other than himself, wouldn't he be fired?

Truly. Who else could honestly saying that he's picking Notre Dame to win the championship, keep a straight face, slowly shift his gaze to the guy on his left to see what his pick is, and still have a job at ESPN the next day?

ESPN Ombudsman, where you at?

I mean, if I were Herbstreit, or Mark May, or Rece Davis, I'd wonder why I go to work every day. It's quite apparent that journalistic credibility means very little when it comes to TV ratings.

Just throw on a ridiculous hat and scream abysmal versions of college fight songs.

Grab a chalkboard and a jersey and make lovably awful halftime speeches.

Son, you were made for ESPN.


  1. I saw this on ESPN and couldn't believe what I was hearing. It's bad enough the ESPN brass allow him air time for his "Dr. Lou" segments, pep talks and magic tricks.

    Now we are forced to listen to him actually explain his reasoning for this bold prediction.

  2. you can always change the channel, yet you choose not to...

  3. Change the channel..lame counter. People tune into ESPN to listen to an educated analysis of sports. For the most part, that is what they receive. However, whenever Lou is on we are subject to his senile commentary. Is it too much to ask to get an intelligent, unbiased commentator?

  4. I believe he stated that Notre Dame would have the second best chance to make it to the national championship game, after Florida. Not quite as absurd as your making it sound (but admittedly still quite a stretch).

  5. If there were more legitimate, day-to-day sports TV options, I would change the channel. Truth is, ESPN has a monopoly on the American market. Versus is showing potential, but it has miles to go...

  6. Holtz definitely said that the irish had the best chance to make it to the bcs title game because of their schedule and if they can get past the trojans then notre dame would have a great chance to go undefeated. There is no way the bcs wouldn't take an undefeated notre dame team given the chance. Also, he specifically said that he did not think that Notre Dame was the second best team in the country just that they had the best chance to get there... you've successfully misconstrued his words to try and bash Lou and Notre Dame... congrats